My Story is in Your Hands
If you haven’t heard, DEGLOVED: Every Scar Has a Story came out last Sunday! Pause on that sentence for a moment. I want you to really appreciate it like I’m trying to, instead of moving along to what comes next.
It took six years to write and publish a very honest account of what recovering from trauma looks like, so I may as well continue with the honesty. The other day I video chatted with another author and dear friend, Betsy Hartley. Betsy and I met two years ago when we stayed at the same resort for a triathlon in Los Cabos. My relationship with her is an interesting one, because although we have only spent a week in person together over two trips, I trust her with my first thoughts. The completely unedited ones that pop up when my emotions are running the show up in my brain.
“Betsy, I’m a little worried that the book is too depressing...I mean, did it have good takeaways?” I joked that I have NO clue how worried or panicked to be, because I still have zero idea of how many copies have sold since pre-ordering began. With no numbers, I have no sense of how many strangers could be judging me.
To which, Betsy came back and gave me a wonderful response that started with, “The outcome is good because you are alive. Period.”
True, the good news is that since I am the author of the story, and the back cover states how I am married and living in Boulder, Colorado with my husband, the reader shouldn’t panic too much during those first few chapters. I cannot guarantee they won’t cry because people have already reported back that tears were streaming down their face by page 19.
Next Betsy stated, “People are sick of bullshit, they are sick of whitewashing they’re sick of being told to keep their chin up and be positive and look on the bright side when in actuality, what people really crave and hunger and thirst for, is truth and authenticity and vulnerability.”
Damn if Betsy didn’t nail the response and give me some peace of mind to sleep that night. When I wrote DEGLOVED, the intended audience was never a traffic victim or even an athlete. It was written for a person who perhaps needs to nod in agreement to the statement that life is so very painful and difficult at times—someone who needs encouragement to know that that state is temporary. Emotions are complex and it is okay to feel so incredibly lucky that you are alive at the very same moment that you are angry, scared, and wanting to give up.
2020 is a difficult year. We are all going through the collective trauma of the pandemic. While it has impacted each person differently, we’re in the early stages of recovery. The feelings, intense and overwhelming as they may be, are worth acknowledging and talking about. Since I wrote DEGLOVED as I was healing, I was able to include similarly raw emotions in the writing and I think readers will be able to relate my story to their own traumas.
It is also important to note that, If I had begun writing the memoir now that six years has passed, I would have dulled the story. Not intentionally, but because over time and with a supportive community, trauma can be healed. DEGLOVED is not depressing, because I did not stay in those emotions. I continue to ride, create community, teach, and move forward with cycling advocacy. Just as I believe we will grow from the pandemic and it will bring positive changes when we are ready for them.